Tag Archives: romance

17Jul/20

Violet LeVoit

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July 17, 2020

It gives us great pleasure to welcome Violet LeVoit as the guest on Episode 277 – That’s a Huge Toolkit!

Violet LeVoit joins us for a “most excellent” conversation about her recent release, Scarstruck. We also discuss the various issues keeping romance from having parity with other respected genres. Lastly, we touch upon her previous career being a movie critic. A very great conversation all around.

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Bio:

Violet LeVoit is a film critic, novelist, poet and artist whose work has appeared in many publications in the US and UK, including RogerEbert.com, TurnerClassicMovies.com, Allmovie.com, Men’s Health, PressPlay.com, Bright Lights Film Journal, the Baltimore City Paper, Film Threat, and others. She is a contributor to the film history compendium Little Black Book: Movies, and was voted “Best Arts Writer” by Baltimore magazine.

Originally from Baltimore, Violet began her career in journalism as a television producer and video editor at Maryland’s PBS affiliate, where she won two Emmy Awards for outstanding original programming. After transitioning to print journalism and film criticism at the Baltimore City Paper, she earned an MFA in Creative Writing at Rutgers University and published many works of fiction, including the short story collections I am Genghis Cum and I’ll Fuck Anything That Moves and Stephen Hawking (both Fungasm Press), the zine chapbook love poems/sɯǝod ǝʇɐɥ (Budget Press) and the critically acclaimed “experimental noir” novel I Miss the World (King Shot Press).

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03Jul/20
FE Feeley Jr author pic

F.E. Feeley Jr.

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Jul7 3, 2020

It gives us great pleasure to welcome F.E. Feeley Jr. as the guest on Episode 275 – Somebody’s Got a Crane!

F.E. (Fredrick) Feeley, Jr. – author, poet, and screenwriter, returns to chat about releasing the print, ebook and audio versions of two collaborations with fellow authors, Kim Fielding (Hallelujah) and Jamie Fessenden (Borderland), as well as some about creating during the Covid-19 era and some politics for good measure.

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F.E. Feeley Jr is a believer in magic, in music, in literature, art, and those things that connect us all. Born in Detroit, Michigan, Feeley is a veteran of the United States Armed Services. Feeley has written eight novels in the past six years, including Memoirs of the Human Wraiths, Closer, When Heaven Strikes, The Color of Love, Borderland, and Hallelujah. Feeley has published a collection of Poetry in his book, Heaven Underneath the Sound of the World.

Married to the love of his life, John, Frederick resides in Southeast Texas where they take care of their cat, Ms. Abigail Adams.

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February 15, 2020


It gives us great pleasure to welcome F.E. Feeley Jr. back as the guest on Episode 255 – The State of the Queer Union!

Frederick Feeley, Jr. shares his latest release, Hallelujah, and some political discussion regarding where he thinks we are as queer people in these often stressful times.

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Bio:

F.E. Feeley Jr is a believer in magic, in music, in literature, art, and those things that connect us all. Born in Detroit, Michigan, Feeley is a veteran of the United States Armed Services. Feeley has written eight novels in the past six years, including Memoirs of the Human Wraiths, Closer, When Heaven Strikes, The Color of Love, Borderland, and Hallelujah. Feeley has published a collection of Poetry in his book, Heaven Underneath the Sound of the World.

Married to the love of his life, John, Frederick resides in Southeast Texas where they take care of their cat, Ms. Abigail Adams.

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November 1, 2019


It gives us great pleasure to welcome F.E. Feeley Jr. back as the guest on Episode 241 – It’s The Imperfections That Keep You!

FE Feeley Jr. (Freddie) steps in to share his recent releases in the The Color of Love series, which leads us into diving into the complexities of two people coming together while healing from their own pasts. A very engaging and thoughtful conversation!

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Bio:

F.E.Feeley Jr is married to his wonderful husband, John. Freddie is an avid reader of Mysteries, Horror, and Suspense, and biographies. He’s also a gamer. His favorites include Dragon Age, Mass Effect, Star Trek Online, Skyrim, Assassin’s Creed, Fallout, and Civilization Five. He LOVES to cook and dives into trying new recipes (hint hint). He’s an avid music junkie from POPular music to Opera, to Showtunes, Gospel, Rock, Rap, and Hip Hop.

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March 15, 2019

It gives us great pleasure to welcome Jamie Fessenden and Freddie Feeley, Jr back as the guests on Episode 207 – More Fun With the Creepy Scenes!

Authors Jamie Fessenden and Freddie Feeley, Jr team up to share with us their forthcoming horror novel, Borderlands, and what it was like to team up.

NOTE: Jamie accidentally said “bodega” in this episode. He caught it after the fact and knew he meant “botánica” – offering his apologies to anyone he confused.

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Bio:

Jamie Fessenden is an author of gay fiction in many genres. Most involve romance, because he believes everyone deserves to find love, but after that anything goes: contemporary, science fiction, historical, paranormal, mystery, or whatever else strikes his fantasy.
Jamie set out to be a writer in junior high school. He published a couple short pieces in his high school’s literary magazine and had another story place in the top 100 in a national contest, but it wasn’t until he met his partner, Erich, almost twenty years later, that he began writing again in earnest. With Erich alternately inspiring and goading him, Jamie wrote several screenplays and directed a few of them as micro-budget independent films. He then began writing novels and published his first novella in 2010.
After nine years together, Jamie and Erich have married and purchased a house together in the wilds of Raymond, New Hampshire, where there are no street lights, turkeys and deer wander through their yard, and coyotes serenade them on a nightly basis.
Jamie recently left his “day job” as a tech support analyst to be a full-time writer.

F.E.Feeley Jr is married to his wonderful husband, John. He’s a father to their German Shephard, Kaiser. Freddie is an avid reader of Mysteries, Horror, and Suspense, and biographies. He’s also a gamer. His favorites include Dragon Age, Mass Effect, Star Trek Online, Skyrim, Assassin’s Creed, Fallout, and Civilization Five. He LOVES to cook and dives into trying new recipes (hint hint). He’s an avid music junkie from POPular music to Opera, to Showtunes, Gospel, Rock, Rap, and Hip Hop. Finally, he’s a Poet – a lot of which is offered on his site for free.
As if that weren’t enough, he’s the author of six published works – four full length novels and two short stories featured in anthologies.

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March 16, 2018

It gives us great pleasure to welcome F.E. Feeley Jr. back as the guest on Episode 155: A Fun Return to the Dark Side!

This week F.E. Feeley Jr. returns to discuss “Closer” – his latest novel, his adventures in poetry, and the meaning of art.

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Bio:

F.E.Feeley Jr is married to his wonderful husband, John. He’s a father to their German Shephard, Kaiser. Freddie is an avid reader of Mysteries, Horror, and Suspense, and biographies. He’s also a gamer. His favorites include Dragon Age, Mass Effect, Star Trek Online, Skyrim, Assassin’s Creed, Fallout, and Civilization Five. He LOVES to cook and dives into trying new recipes (hint hint). He’s an avid music junkie from POPular music to Opera, to Showtunes, Gospel, Rock, Rap, and Hip Hop. Finally, he’s a Poet – a lot of which is offered on his site for free.

As if that weren’t enough, he’s the author of six published works – four full length novels and two short stories featured in anthologies.

 

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June 9, 2017

Cover Reveal: When Heaven Strikes

It gives us great pleasure to welcome F.E. Feeley Jr. back as the guest on Episode 115: Pin Him Down!

F.E. Feeley Jr. returns to the show to unveil the cover of his upcoming novel, and to talk about what a Paranormal Romance Guild membership can do for you. He then drops a hint about his next work in progress. We’ll give you a hint… “paper faces on parade.”

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Bio:

F.E.Feeley Jr is the author of six published works. Four full length novels, two short stories featured in anthologies, and poet. Married to the love of his life, John, he came to the writing world about four years ago where he fell in love, again, with the written word.

 

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23 July, 2015


Indigent
Still-Waters
Timber		 It gives us great pleasure to announce F.E Feeley Jr. as the guest on episode 009: Fingers Grasping the Veil!
Join us as we talk with Fred about his journey, writing horror, and the truth beneath the fiction.
You can find Fred’s novels here:

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26Jun/20

Jayne Lockwood

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June 26, 2020

It gives us great pleasure to welcome Jayne Lockwood as the guest on Episode 274 – You’ve Ruined It!

Jayne Lockwood, one of WROTE’s co-founders, returns for a lengthy, brilliant, informative and thoroughly entertaining discussion about her latest novel “Going Down,” and touching up and re-releasing older works!

(Normally, we would edit for conciseness, but when Jayne’s in the hot seat, you just sit back and let her go!)

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Jayne Lockwood has always wanted to learn to fly. Spending free time honing her Peter Pan skills on an aerial hoop, she also creates flights of fancy in her books, mingling sex and romance with angst and a healthy dash of dark humor.

Lady Jaguar is Jayne Lockwood’s unpredictable alter ego. Her first den was in the depths of Wattpad and AO3, where she still writes fan fiction. She two books out and one on the way. Expect erotic filth, high-octane frolics and every beloved romance trope known to mankind!

Lady Jaguar is on Instagram (when they haven’t banned her,) Twitter, and down with the kids at Tumblr.

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22May/20

Amara Lynn

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May 22, 2020

It gives us great pleasure to welcome Amara Lynn back as the guest on Episode 269 – It’s Fun To Be Trash!

Amara Lynn returns to discuss their Masks series, life as an indie author, and their growing LGBTQ writer-themed Twitter hashtags!

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Amara Lynn has always been a quiet daydreamer. Coming up with characters and worlds since childhood, Amara eventually found an outlet in writing. Amara loves anything to do with pirates, villains and superheroes, and angels and demons.

Amara is addicted to music and gets the most inspiration from moving songs and lyrics. When not writing, Amara usually reads, listens to podcasts, watches anime, plays a video game here and there (but mostly collects them), and takes way too many cat pictures.

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October 4, 2019

Into the Deep book cover
It gives us great pleasure to welcome Amara Lynn as the guest on Episode 236 – Arrr Matey!

Amara Lynn joins us to discuss their new novel, Into the Deep, a m/m pirate merman story, and share their drive to make Twitter friendlier using LGBTQ hashtags!

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Bio:

Amara Lynn has always been a quiet daydreamer. Coming up with characters and worlds since childhood, Amara eventually found an outlet in writing. Amara loves anything to do with pirates, villains and superheroes, and angels and demons.

Amara is addicted to music and gets the most inspiration from moving songs and lyrics. When not writing, Amara usually reads, listens to podcasts, watches anime, plays a video game here and there (but mostly collects them), and takes way too many cat pictures.

This Podcast episode is available on these channels (in order alphabetical):
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16May/20

Hallelujah by Kim Fielding and F.E. Feeley Jr.

Review, , , , , , , , ,


To find out more about Kim Fielding and F E Feeley Jr. and their work, check out the following episodes! For Kim, there is

Kim Fielding – Episode 266 – Marry In A Cemetery!

And for F E Feeley Jr., Episode 255 – The State Of The Queer Union!

If I’m totally honest, I was avoiding this book at first. The cover was tempting. Show me a tornado and it’s usually a must-read, but I wasn’t sure of the premise. Demons, a religious backstory; in these times, I can’t cope with anything too weighty and dystopian. Real life is a bit too much like a disaster movie at the moment, and we can’t predict what the ending will be.

And yes, there are serious issues in this book, the state of the world today, war between states and countries, climate change, man’s inhumanity to man. There’s bleakness and horror which cannot be denied BUT:

Then I remembered When Heaven Strikes, another book with a tornado, written by F E Feeley Jr, and I remembered how I loved it, so I took the plunge. From the first moment, I felt for choir master, Joseph, who in the first part of the book (1991) had turned his back on his musical dreams to support his father on the family farm. He was torn about how he would ever be accepted in his hometown if he came out, and his relationship with his father is prickly. His church seem determined to see him paired off with the sister of the man Joseph secretly longs for. Oh, and Joseph also sees dead people. Some of them are quite persistent, but he is in denial about his talent, and hasn’t found a way to deal with it affectively.

So far, so earnest, but after some demonic activity, the story veers off in an unexpected direction, with hot and tender scenes which were a welcome respite from the encroaching menace. Then tragedy strikes, and the scene closes on 1991.

Skip forward to the present day, and Joseph is still working the farm. He’s given up on being a choir director and is literally treading water, unable to move on with his life.

I’m not going to spoil it for you, but Joseph is compelled to head off into the desert with a mysterious Creole woman, Francine, who says she is his distant cousin. Francine has a message from the past, warning Joseph he is being hunted by the demon who has haunted him for most of his life. As they search for answers, Joseph also has to deal with questioning his faith, and the constant company of a familiar ghost who he isn’t ready to let go of.

Okay, so that doesn’t sound a barrel of laughs, but trust me, this is an expertly woven tale, with likeable characters and a good dose of humour to balance the darker scenes and themes. Joseph is supported by equally compelling secondary characters who enrich the story and give it a colourful energy. I read the book over three nights and was totally hooked.

Can I address the Stephen King thing? To invite comparison is also to invite criticism. Forget King; this is something else. Something unique to these authors. I’m not saying it’s better than King, or worse. It’s totally different. Comparisons are impossible and pretty unfair, if I’m honest.

There’s a road trip, magic that is written in a way that you totally believe it, a respect for religion that I wasn’t expecting, a running theme based around Leonard Cohen’s masterful rendition of Hallelujah, and a powerful, satisfying denouement. The writing was excellent, the plotting off the scale. It was an imaginative, hugely enjoyable journey and I’m so glad I was given the opportunity to read it.

BLURB

Can you hear it?

Whispering in the dark.

Secrets only the dark knows.

Joseph Moore, choir director for the First Baptist Church of Lenora, Nebraska, has secrets of his own. Terrible, lonely secrets. One that involves natural human desire. One that calls forth powers he cannot begin to understand. Both with the potential to destroy him and those he loves.

Now the world is changing. The darkness, the shadows, the ghosts, are closing in—and Joseph and his lover, Kevin, are being stalked by a merciless demon, hell-bent on possession.

Can you hear it now?

There in the dark.

It’s whispering your name.

28Feb/20

Jan St. Marcus

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February 28, 2020


It gives us great pleasure to welcome Jan St. Marcus as the guest on Episode 257 – It’s Just Easier To Be Homeless!

Jan St. Marcus shares his new novel release, Damaged Hearts. We discuss POV, characters who come from damaging backgrounds and queerdom in literary and media works.

Books mentioned in this episode:

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Bio:

Jan St. Marcus is a professional photographer and novelist currently residing in the Washington D.C. area after a professional career that took him around the world. Damaged Hearts is the first book in a series of novels inspired by the time he spent living on the Boardwalk in Venice Beach, California.

Jan writes every day, and when he’s not writing he runs a photography business from his studio in the suburbs of our Nation’s Capital. He enjoys hearing from readers and answering questions, so if you want to reach out, please visit his website.

Jan’s favorite quote is from Heraclitus, a philosopher in 450 B.C.

“A man’s character is his fate.”

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01Mar/19

LJ Evans

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March 1, 2019


It gives us great pleasure to welcome LJ Evans as the guest on Episode 205 – Live Life Resiliently!

LJ Evans joins us to talk about her My Life As An Album series, how music inspires her, and she explains the evolution of the romance genre!

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Bio:

Award winning author, LJ Evans, lives in the California Central Valley with her husband, daughter, and the three terrors called cats. She’s been writing, almost as a compulsion, since she was a little girl and will often pull the car over to write when a song lyric strikes her. While she currently spends her days teaching 1st grade in a local public school, she spends her free time reading and writing, as well as binge watching original shows like The Crown, Victoria, and Stranger Things.

If you ask her the one thing she won’t do, it’s pretty much anything that involves dirt—sports, gardening, or otherwise. But she loves to write about all of those things, and her first published heroine was pretty much involved with dirt on a daily basis. Which is exactly what LJ loves about fiction novels—the characters can be everything you’re not and still make their way into your heart.

Her debut series, the MY LIFE AS AN ALBUM series, has won multiple awards including The Independent Author Network’s Young Adult Book of the year and Audiobook Obsessions’s 2nd Place Most Recommended Romance Audiobook.

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29Aug/18

A Mage’s Power by Casey Wolfe

Review, , , , , , , ,


Casey Wolfe was a recent guest on our show. To find out more about them, check out Episode 135: Weird Stupid Kid Stuff

This book is a nice work of magical realism, where ancient meets modern, and spells abound in a city seething with magicae, werewolves and humans leading an uneasy co-existence.

I enjoyed this right off the bat. Rowan and Shaw were likeable characters with relatable issues. Shaw is a cop of sorts, working for the sinister-sounding Inquisition which keeps the peace amongst the co-existing races, and Rowan is a master mage who runs his own enchantment shop, together with a feisty stray cat. Rowan’s best friend is Caleb, a werewolf who is consistently bothered by the Inquisition so there is conflict between him and Shaw, whom he doesn’t trust.

The best parts of this story for me are the magical spells, beautifully written and described. There is a real sense of other-worldliness here, and great world-building in general, with the ancient city streets filled with dynamic young people wielding modern devices such as laptops and mobile phones. I liked that sense of familiarity in an unfamiliar environment. In fact, this book has made me want to explore the magical realism genre further.

The author wrote the three leads well, giving them distinct personalities and vibrant dialogue. I instantly sensed the connection between Rowan and Shaw, and Caleb’s incipient jealousy and mistrust. There were some good dynamics between them, and the dialogue was believable and fun at times.

The veering off into the woods for some icky violence was a surprise, but I didn’t mind it at all. Until then the story had begun to pootle along somewhat, so it was good to have a change of pace. As is so often with fantasy books, the ultimate goals do not immediately become clear, and I sometimes have a problem with that. There’s so much emphasis on world-building and character development, the story’s motivation can take third billing at times. I felt a bit like that here, but because the writing was entertaining, the characters engaging and the sections where Rowan casts his spells so gorgeously described, I was entranced. For me, this was a fun and accessible fantasy/magical realism novel that was very enjoyable to read.

BLURB

Built on the bones of an ancient city, modern-day Everstrand is where master mage, Rowan, has set up his enchantment shop. When not hanging out with his werewolf best friend, Caleb, or studying, he dabbles in herbology and the controversial practice of blood magic. A prodigy who has already earned two masters, Rowan’s bound and determined to reach the distinction of grandmaster, a mage who obtains a masters in all five Schools of Magic.

Shaw works for the Inquisition, the organization charged with policing the magical races collectively known as magicae. Recently, it has come under scrutiny as magicae begin to disappear and reports of violence increase. With secrets of his own on the line, Shaw is willing to risk everything to find out just what is going on behind all the locked doors.

When Rowan and Shaw are entangled in each other’s worlds, it becomes evident that their hearts are as much at risk as their lives. They must find the truth and stop a conspiracy before it’s too late.

23Aug/18

Drumbeat by A M Leibowitz

Review, , , , , ,

As the blurb suggests, there are some issues here that need delicate handling. Psychological abuse and eating disorders are not plot devices suitable for bandying around in the usual MM romance fare. As one with personal experience, it’s one thing guaranteed to p**s me off faster than a pube on a toilet seat, so I was just waiting, tensing myself for the moment when it all began to slide downhill.

Thank goodness then, for the author’s sensitive and balanced handling of the tough issues, without being all earnest, lurid (or worst, inaccurate) about it. This is a wonderful story of two men, each with complicated lives which don’t conform to what is generally construed as “normal,” who gradually find their way to each other despite several false starts and well-meaning but ultimately clueless friends.

There’s a lot of diverse representation here, with two polyamorous relationships, Jamie is deaf, Trevor is a big man so not your usual heartthrob in an MM romance (unless it’s specifically aimed at bears.) There are people of colour and ex-drag queens, yet it didn’t feel “topic of the month.” The focus was always on the dynamic between Jamie, Cian and the people around them, with all the awkwardness, bickering, love and support complicated families deal with every day. The book felt real, especially with regard to Jamie’s issues. The plot device with Jamie’s ex sounded the only iffy note as it was concluded, but that was easily forgiven because of how the eating disorder was dealt with. Sadly, I know a lot about eating disorders, and everything Jamie suffers from sounds authentic. Kudos to the author for handling it so well.

And it has to be said, the book is also entertaining, a great read with real tension and not an obvious way through for Cian and Jamie to resolve their issues and differences. The secondary characters were warm as well, yet not too perfect. Trevor, the one unwittingly playing havoc with Jamie’s emotions, is so well-drawn. We all know a Trevor, be he straight or gay or anywhere in-between. The delicacies of navigating a poly relationship are interesting as well, for people (like me) who cannot see how it works. I finished the book well-informed and with eyes opened just a little more, which is always a good thing.

BLURB

Jamie Cosgrove is doing his best to recover from a break-up after years with an abusive boyfriend. All his usual coping strategies have failed, and he’s fallen back on things that make him feel safe: drumming, food, and his friend Trevor. The trouble is, two of those are still secrets, even from those closest to him.

Cian Toomey has it all. He has loving relationships with his partners and a fulfilling, creative career. The one thing he’s missing is someone to go home to at night. When sudden changes occur at one of his jobs, he’s faced with a choice to find something new or move in with his partners in a different city.

Well-meaning but pushy friends seem to think Cian and Jamie are the answers to each other’s prayers. They couldn’t disagree more. A series of random events thrusts them into each other’s lives, and they find they have more in common than they thought. But when all of Jamie’s carefully constructed walls crumble at once, both of them will have to depend on the support of their friends and family to strengthen their fragile bond.

23Aug/18

Worth the Wait by Karelia Stetz-Waters

Review, , , , , , ,

Karelia Stetz-Waters was a recent guest on WROTE! To find out more about her and get links to her work, check out Episode 174: Rest Your Heart For A Little While!

This book was a new experience for me; my very first lesbian romance. I dove in with no expectations, other than hope it would be a good read.

The upshot is this. Avery is a successful TV presenter with a long-running show, working with her on-screen-only romance interest, Alistair, who is asexual. They are friends, and both have a lot to lose if Avery come out as lesbian. She’s harbouring a fifteen-year secret longing for the girl she was very friendly with at high school, so of course she does the sensible thing and goes to a reunion in the hope of seeing her again.

Merritt has also been nursing a broken heart for fifteen years, trying valiantly to forget Avery, and failing. She has a hardware shop in Portland, where the story is based, and her life is fine thank you until Avery turns up and basically throws her for a loop.

Cue clandestine meetings and a lot of angst. I’m not telling you how it turns out. That would spoil it.

This chunky book is so close to being a perfect love story for me, and yet I did struggle in places. It could have been more tightly edited to stop the slight meandering of dialogue and navel-gazing. It took a lot of words to keep the story, which was actually quite straightforward, on the right track. I’m sure it could have been a third shorter, and been an easier read for it.

I think my main problem is I have very little time for reality TV shows (which are anything but) and manipulating TV audiences for ratings, so there were times when I was thinking, “for God’s sake, why is this so difficult for them?” I think making it clearer how much Avery stood to lose would have helped nearer the start. Her work colleagues, including Alistair, weren’t very sympathetic, and she came across as a bit of a flake, so I didn’t empathise with her problem for a while. I was just wondering why she was still working with these arseholes.

Once I cottoned on though, I could see her dilemma, if not totally identify with it. People in the public eye don’t just have their own reputation to think about, but the careers of all the people around them. One false move can spell disaster, especially when the whole programme is built around the chemistry and romance between Avery and Alistair, and people are expecting them to conform to hetero norms. Fall in love, fall out of love, bond over soft furnishings, get engaged, get married, have a baby….

I have to ask this. Would people in real life be more resentful of the fact they had been sold a lie, rather than the fact that Avery is gay and Alistair is asexual? It’s a sticky subject. I would rather people lived their truth and I suppose that’s why I had a problem with the premise in the beginning. I know others wouldn’t.

However, the chemistry between Avery and Merritt was unmistakable, the sex lush and gorgeous, not gratuitous at all. There were some wonderfully-drawn side characters, especially Lei-Ling and Iliana, and love surrounding the two main characters. Portland sounds like a place I’d like to visit, and I’d definitely read more by this author.

Will they, won’t they? Do they, don’t they? Don’t ask me. Read it yourself. Believe me it’s Worth the Wait (sorry, couldn’t resist it!)

BLURB

For fifteen years, Avery Crown tried to forget her best friend Merritt Lessing. The late nights studying, the whispered confidences, and the little touches that never turned into something more. Unfortunately, her efforts have not been as successful as her TV career as the queen of home renovation. So when she runs into Merritt at their high school reunion, Avery asks for one night with the woman she’s always wanted . . .

Merritt spent high school pining after Avery, but never made a move-their friendship meant too much. The one time it seemed things might change, Avery chose her budding career. So Merritt did the same, throwing herself into her remodeling business. Now Avery’s back, and while Merritt still hasn’t forgiven her for walking away the first time, they can’t keep their hands off each other. But when their professional paths cross, and it seems like Avery is choosing her career once again, Merritt will have to decide if she’s willing to let go of the past and give herself a second chance with her first love.